The Most Wonderful Time of Year!!

-

December. For some, it's a cheery month. A season of quality family time with those near and dear. Holidays and parties galore. Smiles and drinks all around.

For others...

December is a time of bleakness. A time of anxiety and panic with the thought of seeing that person. Worrying whether or not the family drama will involve you or not. A time of anger and frustration. When domestic violence and abuse crime rates rise to the highest they've been all year. (source: Connections for Abused Women and their Children)

For me, the holidays the last 10 years always brought panic of some shape or form. 

At first it was the simple anxiety of whether or not my dad was going to say or start something.

After graduating high school and moving out it developed into a gut-sinking feeling or wondering if my dad was in a good mood or n not. He wasn't happy with the choice of moving in with my then-boyfriend before marriage, so he refused to talk to me for nearly two years. During those two years of forced distance with my sisters and mom, my dad also choosing not to talk with me, plus the fact that my then-boyfriend and I were constantly arguing about finances, employment or other aspects of our relationship, intense feelings of sadness, hopeless, and lonely would start in September or October and last until March or April. 

Last year, the feelings felt more intense due to me constantly comparing my family to the "picture-perfect" families shared all over social media. I felt like I wasn't a good enough mom for my daughter. Why should I even exist anymore? If I was gone, things would be better anyways.

My brain has flopped and did a whole 180 degrees from last year. This year I'm able to view the world with more color. I've been engaged with holiday traditions with my daughter more this year than previously. We even decorated the house on Friday!

I guess that has to be a huge reason to my mood change this season. God has blessed my family and I with our own space -- a cute home! I have prayed for many years for a happy, healthy, and safe home. God heard my prayers and delivered!

I have also prayed for a healthy relationship with my partner. For a man that'll take care of me, cherish, protect, and love deeply. God has worked on developing my relationship and my husband and I have grown into a strong couple in Christ. We'll be celebrating 10 years together in March <3


I'll talk more in full on my testimony with Christ, but for now, this was a time for me to thank God for the blessings He's provided me this holiday season. 

Here's to one year in my beautiful home, five years with my amazing and talented little girl, five years teaching at my incredible job, and ten years of hard work, love, dedication, and respect to my patient and kind partner-in-Christ.   

Through the dirty and ugly of my past life, God has blessed me with a love like no other. God is Good!


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Upcoming Release -- New Project Alert!

-
Image
I've been interested in and engaged in writing since middle school. My dad loves to talk about the horror story I wrote in 6th grade. It was so horrendous and gory that my teacher requested I read it to the 8th-grade classes.  I have a very creative mind... Storytelling allows us, as the audience and even authors, to step into the perspective of someone else. I quite enjoy the elements that go into creating a unique piece of writing.  For the past several years I have been struggling to identify how I can become more involved in the creative arts community, as I have a huge passion for entertainment. I love filmmaking and screenplay writing, so I began background acting. Well, that's sort of hard to do with a 5-year-old I am happily raising. I decided if I can't be involved with creating stories through film, why not create my own stories that constantly float around in the space I call my brain? So that's exactly what I've done! Introducing Glass Half Empty . A sto...
Read on »

Writing Origins

-
In middle school, I wrote a delectably horrendous horror story, full of blood and gore, beautifully detailing the character and the events of these marble/orbs that were violent (if my memory serves correctly, I wish I still had the original copy).  My family was freaked out. My teacher  loved  it. She even asked me to read the story to an 8th-grade class. I remember the nerves sitting atop the wooden barstool at the front of the class of big-kid students staring up at me expectantly (I was a short 6th grader). I remember my back tightening and my arms shaking as I cleared my throat and began reading. Afterwards, there was applause, and then I went back to class.  It was the proudest moment in my young writing career! I've always been obsessed with storytelling, from the intricate details to the overarching plot. What makes a character tick? Why would the story be told this way? What is the reason behind the antagonist's motives? I loved watching the stories unfold o...
Read on »